I Surrender to you Lord

 After reading several chapters in "Let.It.Go by Karen Ehman" I was like a numb body with a broken soul and heart, sitting and pondering many things in my  little head and the reason is found on pg. 53 "Lord why have you brought me here?" this should be my prayer! Instead like Karen mentioned in the book I have spent the last 18 years (maybe even longer- yeah longer) asking God "Why me? or What did I do to deserve this?"

Then to top it off Saturday February 9th, 2013 I spent the day at my Church for a Women's Day Conference and one of the topics of a lesson was "What are your top 10 Trust issues? and why have you not given them to God?"..........Oh man, my heart, soul, mind and probably ever inch of my body was grieving inside. I felt totally broken, full of pain, hurt, anger, you name it that was me, crying inside!

In my mind I was whispering, "Why God, Why are you doing this to me? Why do you keep leading me to these studies or conference were I am brought back to the area in my life I am trying to ignore?" the I heard it, "Trust me Lauren". Why is it so hard to release these pains over to God, why do we try to lock them away? Is it the fear of the pain becoming new again? Is it the fear of breaking down again?

Oh My Sisters in Christ today I admit I have been BROKEN for sometime now, my heart is full of tiny scars left from past hurts, new hurts and so much more. I have lived a life full of the bumpy, windy path and I am so ready for the path to be straight and smooth, yet I know it will be when God wants it to be.  I missed the bigger picture until I picked up Karen's book, this whole time instead of Why why why and this is not fair, I should have been asking:

"Lord, Why have you brought me here?" (pg.53 Let.It.Go ~ Karen Ehman)

So here it is, here is my Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father ~

I come to you tonight and I surrender to you Lord. I am so tired of feeling broken, lost and hurt inside. I want the joy , love and laughter to return in my spirit. Oh Lord, I know I have been quiet good at hiding this pain and putting on my best smile but tonight I am waving the white flag. I need you Lord, I need you to help me to understand why you have lead me down these roads and what am I missing. What is the lesson I have missed? I need you to guide me Lord, direct my path, hold me and never let me go. I am ready to start healing and release these things of the past to you Lord. This is hard Lord as you know some of this pain is deep, my brokenness come from the ones I love or loved the most. I need you to help heal these scars left on my heart, fill them with your love, your grace. I am at your mercy Lord. I know this will be hard and it will take time, but knowing you are holding me and I am in your hands, I can do this. I am Trusting in you Lord. You are my Rock, my Redeemer and my Salvation. Clinging to you and giving it all to you. I love you Lord and I know you love me.  

In Jesus Name ~ Amen

Picture found on Pinterest.