Sunday, February 24, 2013


I think God has really been talking to me lately and I have not been listening very well. So recently I have written about forgiving, surrendering and now listening!

Well tonight I was reading my P31 Magazine (which you can get at there was an devotional  by Lysa TerKeurst ~ Why I am Breaking up with my "Quiet Time", "okay God I am listening" is what was going through  my mind after reading this amazing devotional. I too had made God a routine in my life and that is by far what I want! I need and want him to be the hugest part of my life, to be a part of everything through out my whole entire day, not just 15-30 minutes of it! So here I was hearing God tell me too, "I want to be with you always Lauren, not just sometimes".

Which leads me to where I listened to God tonight, after reading this devotional I was Challenged to read a Chapter of Proverbs everyday until I complete Proverbs. Now Lysa mentioned this in her devotional and I felt God led me there to challenge me. So I started tonight and I read Proverbs Chapter One. Part of the challenge was to ask God to reveal to me which verse was "my verse" and here is the one that spoke to me:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, 
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
Proverbs 1:7

My NIV Life application study Bible has footnotes at the bottom and here is what it said about this verse: The foundation of knowledge is to fear the Lord- to honor and respect God, to live in awe of his power, and to obey his word. 

WOW, did God show me "my verse" this verse spoke to my heart, I want to fear the Lord, I want to Honor him, I want to be filled of his amazing knowledge and obey his Word. I need his knowledge so that I may live a life for him and to be filled with his Grace! I want the Lord to be with me Always!

So tonight I listened when the Lord spoke to me and challenged me, I could have turned my head and said tomorrow Lord but I chose to LISTEN! Are you willing to take the challenge and listen to the Lord too?

Dear Heavenly Father ~
I come to you tonight asking you to forgive me, I never wanted you to be a routine in my life Lord. Please fill my heart and soul with your knowledge, love and grace. Guide and direct me Lord. Help me to have more discipline in my life. Lord I want you to be with me through out the whole entire day not just part of it. Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart tonight and leading me to read this devotional and giving me this challenge. I love you Lord and I want to Honor you all the days of my life.  In Jesus Name ~ Amen

Thursday, February 14, 2013

I Surrender to you Lord

 After reading several chapters in "Let.It.Go by Karen Ehman" I was like a numb body with a broken soul and heart, sitting and pondering many things in my  little head and the reason is found on pg. 53 "Lord why have you brought me here?" this should be my prayer! Instead like Karen mentioned in the book I have spent the last 18 years (maybe even longer- yeah longer) asking God "Why me? or What did I do to deserve this?"

Then to top it off Saturday February 9th, 2013 I spent the day at my Church for a Women's Day Conference and one of the topics of a lesson was "What are your top 10 Trust issues? and why have you not given them to God?"..........Oh man, my heart, soul, mind and probably ever inch of my body was grieving inside. I felt totally broken, full of pain, hurt, anger, you name it that was me, crying inside!

In my mind I was whispering, "Why God, Why are you doing this to me? Why do you keep leading me to these studies or conference were I am brought back to the area in my life I am trying to ignore?" the I heard it, "Trust me Lauren". Why is it so hard to release these pains over to God, why do we try to lock them away? Is it the fear of the pain becoming new again? Is it the fear of breaking down again?

Oh My Sisters in Christ today I admit I have been BROKEN for sometime now, my heart is full of tiny scars left from past hurts, new hurts and so much more. I have lived a life full of the bumpy, windy path and I am so ready for the path to be straight and smooth, yet I know it will be when God wants it to be.  I missed the bigger picture until I picked up Karen's book, this whole time instead of Why why why and this is not fair, I should have been asking:

"Lord, Why have you brought me here?" (pg.53 Let.It.Go ~ Karen Ehman)

So here it is, here is my Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father ~
I come to you tonight and I surrender to you Lord. I am so tired of feeling broken, lost and hurt inside. I want the joy , love and laughter to return in my spirit. Oh Lord, I know I have been quiet good at hiding this pain and putting on my best smile but tonight I am waving the white flag. I need you Lord, I need you to help me to understand why you have lead me down these roads and what am I missing. What is the lesson I have missed? I need you to guide me Lord, direct my path, hold me and never let me go. I am ready to start healing and release these things of the past to you Lord. This is hard Lord as you know some of this pain is deep, my brokenness come from the ones I love or loved the most. I need you to help heal these scars left on my heart, fill them with your love, your grace. I am at your mercy Lord. I know this will be hard and it will take time, but knowing you are holding me and I am in your hands, I can do this. I am Trusting in you Lord. You are my Rock, my Redeemer and my Salvation. Clinging to you and giving it all to you. I love you Lord and I know you love me.  
In Jesus Name ~ Amen

Picture found on Pinterest.