Nancy's daughter wrote about how her mom taught her traditions, love, friendship and how to Love like Jesus! I was touched by her words, I admit I cried and I cried for two reasons. One it was so beautiful, her words were so moving, it came from her heart & soul. It was awesome how she expressed her gratefulness, inspiration and love for her mom.
Then I cried because I felt the J-Word! I was Jealous....................yep Jealous! And I felt guilty for feeling this way. I started thinking about my jealousy and I felt like the Philistines towards Issac in Genesis 26:12-16. I was jealous of this girls' good fortune (her childhood & relationship with her mom). I was feeling like pg 131 (Unglued- Lysa TerKeurst) "spinney vines of jealousy choke the joy out of me." and yes I felt like the joy was being choked right out of me and I felt empty!
See I was jealous because I didn't have that wonderful childhood, or the mother/daughter or let alone father/daughter relationship growing up. I didn't have traditions taught to me, or passed down to me, I didn't have someone teaching me to love like Jesus and yes I was jealous and was wondering out loud to god, WHY? this is not fair Lord, why was I stripped of all these things a girl longs for, why? All these things I wanted so bad in life and yet I will never have these things. I was at that point like pg 131 (Unglued ~ Lysa TerKeurst) "Standing in front of a mirror and all I see is what's lacking. what I am not. What I don't have. what I can't do." then I stared questioning my self and who I am. How did I end up the way I am?