~ The Big Explosion and then the Shame ~

Was I ever the "Exploder ~ Who Shames Herself," this week!

I know not very good. and I felt it all that is for sure, and it wore me out!

Well earlier this week at work it was mentioned to me about making someones job easier for them but in turn making mine, more stressful, more work load with less time! On that day I was like pg. 65 (Unglued ~ by Lysa Terkeurst) "A Jesus girl who rises up and unexpectedly gives grace when when she surely could have done otherwise." yep I accepted the task and just repeated to myself Grace, Grace, Grace and thought to my self " I am being diligent to God. He knows my hard work

The plans of the diligent lead to profit

 as surely as haste leads to poverty. 

 ~ Proverbs 21:5 ~

Well the next day I was not a "Jesus Girl", nope I was the The Exploder, who Shamed myself later. In the middle of our meeting to discuss this new tasks that would be added to my work load, I got very upset.  Well there was no moment of pausing for me, no moment of me thinking before I reacted, no moment of Grace what so ever in the room.  I Exploded and I exploded in a very big way.  I believe my words went something like this:

"You have NO clue what I do for this Company." 

"You have No Clue how Over-whelmed I am."

"You don't even care!"

"Why would I possible think after 11 1/2 years things would be any different ~ shame on me."

Yep I EXPLODED! and not just to anyone in the Company but none other than my Boss, the Owner of the Company. Yeah I can just image what you are thinking right now....WOW!  Well after I stormed out of his office, crying and frustrated and angry, that is when the SHAME started to slap me in the face. I went for a walk and was thinking to myself, Lauren why, why did you not think before you responded? Why did you just fire off like that? That was not very Christian like or Godly in any way at all. I certainly was not like the Memory Verse for Chapter 5 (Unglued):

Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ~ 1 Peter 5:8 ~  

Oh no, my guard was down and Satan had a good time using me at that moment and it hurt. It hurt deep in my heart and I wished I could have turned back time but I couldn't. Instead I turned to the Lord in prayer and spoke to him, told him of my shame and asked for forgiveness and grace. I feel that even though I was an "Exploder ~ that shamed herself" I also realized that I need work, and I am making imperfect progress to being able to control my emotions. 

I want to be a Proverbs Women:

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 

~ Proverbs 31:26~

Lord, 

Please touch my heart and give me Grace.  Remind me that I am making imperfect progress with baby steps. Quiet my tongue when it needs to be and give me that "Power in the Pause" moment to turn to you Lord and ask for the wisdom and knowledge that I am so in need of during these situations.  I want to be a "Jesus Girl" shine a bright light for you Lord. Protect my heart and help me to be self-controlled and alert. Guide me away from the enemy and lead me to be faithful to you to Lord. In Jesus Name ~ Amen